The Family and STRESS!

I think it's safe to say that everyone has gone through some kind of stressful experience or crisis. Whether it be something huge like the death of a loved one, or many tiny little things that just pile up, we've all been there. Something that really helped me to understand the impact a crisis has on a family is the ABCX model.

Actual Event + Behavior + Cognition (how one perceives or thinks about the Actual Event) = eXperience

This helps to explain why two different couples can go through the exact same event of say having a child die and one couple will end in divorce while the other ends up with an even stronger marriage. This also helps to explain how members of the same family can all go through the same Actual Event, but have totally different eXperiences.

I think the most important thing that we can learn from this comes from the B and C of this model. The majority of the time we will have no control over the Actual Event. BUT we do have control over our Behavior and Cognition. One of the most beneficial things we can do in a crisis is to take responsibility. This does NOT mean that you are saying that Actual Event was your fault. Taking responsibility means you are are going to use your agency to choose how you respond. It means you are not going to play the victim card.

I think it is really healthy for members of any family to recognize their agency in any given crisis. I would love to hear feedback on your experiences with the ABCX model!